Category Archives: parenting skills

10 Life Lessons My Kids Have Down

Most lessons we learn over time, or by doing it the hard way, or via social embarrassment. And then there’s some lessons we never learn (“that last shot seemed like such a good idea”). But if there’s anything I’ve learned lately it’s that my kids know more than I give them credit for. I may have to teach them how to pee without touching anything in a porta-potty, but I’m pretty sure they’ve got these 10 lessons down already.

1.  Take care of the Earth

A little water, sun, and Lila love.
A little water, sun, and Lila love.

Lila says: “Plant a seed and it will grow. And sometimes it grows those hot spicy things my parents are so obsessed with.”

2.  If you’re gonna take a selfie, learn how to do it correctly.

Ladies, this is how it's done.
Ladies, this is how it’s done.

The annoying kissy duck-face phenomenon is out, apparently. That I can handle.

3.  Eat your veggies…

Seriously?!
Seriously?!

“If I have to eat this, you can suck it up, too.”

4.  …But don’t overeat.

"One...more....bite...zzzzzz..."
“One…more….bite…zzzzzz…”

Dang you, serotonin!

5.  Let ‘em know who’s boss.

"I'll eat you for dinner!"
“I’ll eat you for dinner!”

If you want to be the Alpha, never show fear.

6.  Rock your style.

The person with the best caption wins a night of no sleep.
The person with the best caption wins a night of no sleep.

There’s so much that confuses the eye here, but her happiness is clear. You could make anything look good with a smile. Anything except men’s crocheted shorts, that is:

Because I was really hoping to purchase the mannequin WITH the shorts...
Because I was really hoping to purchase the mannequin WITH the shorts…

7.  Practice excellent quality control.

Our bottling specialist
Our bottling specialist

“Hey slackers, this one’s empty!”

8.  Work hard, party hard, and pay the consequences in the morning.

"I turned 3 and my body fell apart!"
“I turned 3 and my body fell apart!”

She definitely shouldn’t have had that last cup of milk.

9.  Love the one you’re with.

Nothing comes between a man and his dog, except bacteria.
Nothing comes between a man and his dog, except bacteria.

We don’t know where Eddie’s tongue has been, but Luke doesn’t seem to mind. They say dogs have a sixth sense about people. Eddie peed on Von’s couch the first time they met. They still don’t get along. In Von’s defense, he has never peed on a couch, that I know of.

10. Always have a good backup plan.

Foiled again!
Foiled again!

Don’t worry sis, I got this.”